Hell hath no fury…

I remember likeing you in junior high. You were in high school, you were hot, you were the most "bad looking" kid at church. Mohawk hair, leather jacket, you even had a tattoo! You also had a geeky side. You owned Excalibur, you were a star wars buff, you loved sailor moon, you had a copy of spice girls 1st cd, you liked ramstein. You used to play around on the piano and would share your knowledge of other languages freely. 

You were my brothers friend so I saw you often. You lived right up the street from where my family worked. My parents liked you. You were kind to me, Even though it was obvious I had a schoolgirl crush on you. Most of my bro's friends would avoid me, you never let on being uncomfortable. You encouraged me to be something. You weren't afraid of being in a room with me. 

I watched you graduate high school and get married right away. That hurt. I didn't like your wife, but I held my tongue. I watched you have a kid. I was still in high school. You invited us to his second birthday. Cake went everywhere. He was a joy. You adored him. You had a daughter not long after that.

About 8-9 years ago, You fell off the face of the earth. I moved on to other crushes, other friends, other life… 

About 3-4 years ago you show up at my home looking for my brother. You just got out of jail. You told me you didn't do it. I believed you. I still believe you. They took your kids away. You were devistated. You lived for them. 

You came over a handful of times. We spoke about whatever came up. Things were ok. You hugged me. I froze. I didn't understand why you hugged me. I still don't. It freaked me out. I wanted to ask. I wanted to push you away. I didn't say anything. You disappeared again. 

I no longer hug men unless I consider them extremely close, or if they're family. It freaks me out. I don't blame you for my quirk, but it may have been a subliminal incentive. 

You showed up again a month ago. You're insistant on messageing me on a weekly bassis. You leave comments on my page. You give me your phone number and tell me to text you. Against my better judgement, I respond to your private and instant messages. You fawn, flirt, and talk about old times. I'm flustered and flattered with the attention. I eventually give in to texting you as well. 

You ask to 'go on a date but just as friends so that we both can say we haven't been on a date in a loooong time still'. Normally, I would call that "hanging out". However, with the way you spoke, I allow myself to think it's maybe something more. I freak out, but agree. 

We set a date for early the next week, but reschedule for later the same week after finding a conflict. I think about calling it off many times, but refuse to after receiving encouragement from friends. Half an hour before I leave for your house, you text me a hasty message, and I quote, "Going to have to cancle. Big drama". What am I supposed to say to that? I acknowledge I received the text with an "ok" and wait for an apollogy or a request to reschedule. None has come. 

It's been over 36 hours. I'm torn between feeling hurt, concerned, disappointed, and angry. I feel led on. No text, no email, no phone call… did you just fall off the planet again? Are you avoiding me? You seemed excited about meeting up with me. I don't want to know what the drama is. It's not my business. But I do want to know that it all wasn't just some sort of complex ploy or act. I want to know you're ok. You're my friend. I don't want to be upset for some stupid, or no reason at all.